The Holiday Season is upon us and while it’s an opportunity to eat, drink and be merry with friends, family and co-workers, it’s also a time to make regrettable decisions and possibly get fired because of your inappropriate actions at your office holiday party. Here at Diplomatic Enterprises, we saw a need to help you avoid this tragedy and in true “Team Diplomat” fashion, we decided to meet that need by providing a list of Things NOT to do at your holiday office party. 

1. Don’t NOT Attend (Yes this is a double negative, but we wanted to make sure you’re doubly aware of our seriousness)

Unless you are sick, have a conscientious or religious objection or have a previously scheduled engagement with a dignitary, there is really no other reason for you to miss your holiday office party. So no, you can’t refuse to attend because you don’t like the people in your office. Office parties, whether held in the office or offsite, are opportunities to bond with co-workers, which may make your time in that cubicle a little more bearable. Once you realize that Suzy in accounting actually likes wearing ugly sweaters or that Jason in IT isn’t as weird as you think he is, your days become a tad bit more bearable. Additionally, social settings are opportunities for superiors to get to know you when there isn’t a deadline or a crisis looming. Aside from competency, advancement is gained through connections and likability; and what better time to show how awesome you are than at a holiday party. So…go and be likable. 

2. Don’t Give Your Co-Workers Food Poisoning 

Regardless of your feelings about your officemate or the mouth-breathing co-worker that sits across from you, do not, we repeat DO NOT, give them food poisoning. Now, we understand that most cases of food poisoning are inadvertent (we think). However, many are also completely avoidable. If you have a house full of cats and your house looks like a furry palace, maybe you shouldn’t volunteer to cook anything. If your kitchen looks like something out of a horror film, perhaps you shouldn’t bring anything either. And if the only time you wash your hands is in the shower or when people are watching, definitely do not bring anything edible to the party and go wash your hands you filth-monger. 

3. Don’t Get Drunk

Some of us who work in cool places, or places that masquerade as cool during social functions, may have alcohol at our office parties. While it may seem intuitive to go “0-100 real quick” on the free liquor, remind yourself that by all accounts, if it’s in a plastic bottle, you probably shouldn’t drink it in copious amounts. Even if the bar is open and premium, don’t drown your kidneys on this hallowed occasion. These are people you work with and/or for and anything you say or do, can and will be used against you the following Monday (or even the same night on Facebook).

4. Don’t Be Inappropriate

Social gatherings are typically good opportunities to let a special someone know that you think they’re…well…special. However, there’s a fine line between letting someone know you think they’re cute and letting someone know you’re a psychopath or perhaps a sexual predator. For example, it’s okay to tell a co-worker you like their attire. However, it’s not okay to tell a co-worker that when you see them in said dress or shirt and tie that you fantasize about doing things outlawed in some states. Do you see the difference? Don’t say anything at an office party you wouldn’t say at work, for fear of having a meeting with HR. Other inappropriate behavior includes:

1. Creepily staring at your co-workers 
2. Groping your co-workers
3. Setting small fires in the office

5. Don’t Curse Out Your Co-Workers

This is easier to do if you adhere to Rule #3. However, in certain cases, such as the a**hole office manager who harasses you about the number of pens you use, or the worthless assistant who’s only employed because they have “other talents”, you may find it hard to resist. Please resist, and if you’ve already started, immediately cease and desist. The holiday party is not the time to tell them how you really feel. If for whatever crazy reason, the heavens open up and you’re gifted the opportunity to tell them how you truly feel, do not feel obligated to accommodate them with an honest response. Don’t dig into the annals of your pirate vocabulary and launch into a profanity-laced tirade. No, no, no, no, no! Feel free to pretend that your phone is ringing and walk away, that you don’t speak English or that you’ve suddenly come down with explosive diarrhea and need to exit stage left. Do what you have to do, just don’t tear into them like a lion into a wildebeest carcass. That likely won’t end well for anyone. 

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Seriously, you need to follow these rules and not get yourself fired, reprimanded or found in a road-side ditch. Whether you’re a client, collaborator, or a professional who enjoys reading our blog for our insight into certain matters, or because you think they’re cool, we thank you for reading and sharing. Happy Holidays to you and yours from Diplomatic Enterprises, LLC and best to you in the New Year!